I was born worrying. I mean, I really wouldn't be surprised if I worried before I was born, worrying about what life would be like on the outside. I'm a worrier.
I honestly remember worrying in my preschool years, elementary years, junior high years . . . all the way up to the present. True story: One glorious spring Friday afternoon during my Junior year of high school, I realized on my way home from school that everything was perfect. It was Friday, I had a fun weekend ahead of me with little or no homework, I wasn't involved in any high school "drama" at the moment, and the weather could not have been more pleasant. There was nothing to worry about! Wouldn't you know it, I started worrying about the fact that there was nothing to worry about. Surely I was missing something, and surely it would sneak up on me during my "perfect weekend!"
Now, I must add that as I have matured in my relationship with the Lord, He has been faithful to teach me how to handle those worries. He is very clear in His word that we are NOT to worry, and that we are to cast our cares on Him!
That doesn't mean it's not a battle, though. The past couple of months we have faced the biggest source of worry (for me anyway) since our court drama over Little Mister, when we didn't know if he'd be ripped from our arms due to a sometimes unfair/unwise system. That true story had a happy ending. Will this one?
Our issue now is not about Little Mister, but it involves the same unreliable, sometimes crooked and politically-driven system. That scares me! I can't count on justice prevailing in this unjust situation. It might, or it might not.
What do I do with this agonizing worry that creeps in uninvited?
Joshua 1:9--"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; be not frightened, neither be dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
My mom-in-law reminded us of that yesterday in a sweet e-mail. We have received many sweet e-mails, notes and words of encouragement throughout this trying time, and each one is treasured and helps diminish the worry. Anyway, the words I've emphasized above are the ones that especially struck me as I read them yesterday. It was almost like they floated off the screen and waved and swirled around to be sure I would see them! ;) They reminded me I have a choice. Sure, there are emotions involved when we are facing trials in our lives, but they are not to rule us!
I have the choice to perhaps feel the feelings, but not let them affect my attitude. Just because I have concerns doesn't give me an excuse to yell at my son or pick arguments with my husband. My heart feels heavy, but I can still minister with a smile where I'm needed. I might cry from time to time, too, but there's nothing wrong with that, as long as I'm not hanging on to my grief and worry, but laying them before the Lord (as a very wise young lady reminded me yesterday).
No, I can't trust the system to definitely do what's right, but I can trust God. He may allow all our prayers to be answered affirmatively, and, of course, I still hope that will be the case. Or, He may allow justice to be squelched for now. Whatever the case, I need to focus on what I KNOW to be true: God is on our side. Nothing can happen to us without His allowing it. And He causes all things to work for good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, whether or not we can see the good at the moment through our limited human eyes.
Something is about to happen. That I know. Changes are on the horizon. I'm a rather scheduled person, preferring to plan things out and prepare. I'm not in a position to do that right now because things are so uncertain. Scary place for me! My wonderful husband has his concerns, but is not a deep worrier like me. It's easier for him, than for me, to focus on the fact that God is good and the future holds endless possibilities.
So, I'm here to tell you that worry is not okay. I'm admitting that it has always been a stronghold in my life. And I'm rejoicing that I'm learning to fight it and I'm hopeful that as I keep struggling against it, it will lose more and more of its grip on me. I will not give up!
The truth is the truth--it can't be changed! The Truth is where I'm focused!