Keep Me Forever!

Early on a Christmas morning several years ago, when Little Mister was truly little, he came bounding into our room, leaped onto our bed, and snuggled himself between us under the warm covers.

"I have a little present for you!" he announced with an impish grin.

Wondering what he could have managed to get us without our knowing, I asked, "What is it?"

His grin growing wider, he replied, "My present is that you get to keep me forever!!" :)

Awwwww, he has no idea what a gift he really is.  There's no way to describe it.

But this time of year we always remember eagerly watching the judge sign on the dotted line, legally confirming what we already knew:  Little Mister is our son forever and always.

It seemed like such a long, dramatic road from the moment we met him and took him home until the time the judge's pen scratched against that page.  It wasn't "supposed" to be that way.  And yet it was.  For whatever reason, it was.

Wow, I don't know that I could honestly say I would choose to have to go through that difficult time again, if it was my choice and I could have my son without it.  But the lessons learned, the building of faith, the deepening of trust in my Father that came from that situation are irreplaceable.

Our little family likes to celebrate the big things in life, and maybe some of the not-so-big things, too.  Why not celebrate whenever possible?  Life itself, a new day, a loving heavenly Father--they're all reasons to celebrate!  So we celebrate the day we met Little Mister and the day it became "official," because they are both outstanding days in the life of our family!

Days we won't ever forget or allow to fade into oblivion . . .

Dear Birth Mother,

I know your name only, not your face, not much of your life history, nor your hopes and dreams for the future. I only know I love you for making the right "choice" several years ago.

You come to my mind so strongly at times when I'm thinking about the "choices" our country promotes and funds for pregnant women and girls.  I don't know your reasons for choosing against aborting your unborn child, whether it had anything to do with right and wrong.  From what I've gathered of your situation, you could have chosen to have your baby dismembered in your womb and felt like it was justifiable.  The world tells you it's the thing to do and can be very persuasive to sway one's thoughts and actions.

When I think of my beautiful child being tortured in such a way (and you, too, in the aftermath of it all--the part that is rarely talked about), my mind and my heart just can not go there for long without recoiling.  THANK YOU, dear girl, for not doing that to your son.  To my son.  What would this world be without him?  What would I be without him?  That's another place I cannot go.  I almost had to once, thanks to a corrupt court system.  But God is more powerful than any man-made entity.  I now am coming to the full realization that my Little Mister was rescued by God twice.  The time I lived through and the time you, dear one, endured.  I know "it" quite possibly was an option in your mind, even for a fleeting moment.

It's completely unknown, except by God, whether or not we will ever meet face-to-face.  If Little Mister, when he is Big Mister, chooses to find you and if we all meet up, I'm quite certain I will wrap my arms around you (whether or not you want me to maybe!) in gratitude for choosing life for my son.  I will show you photos and documents of all his brilliant moments, which never would have been had you gone the way of the world.  My (our?) son is going to change the world in some way.  He's got that fire and determination and will.  He's a fighter, and his daddy and I are praying and doing our best to train him to be a fighter for good.

I pray for you often and Little Mister prays for you as well.  We want you to know Jesus, the Savior of the world, the One who offers you grace and mercy (and would have even if you had not chosen life for Little Mister).  We want your family to live healthy, productive, God-pleasing lives.  We want you to be free, truly free.  There's forgiveness and peace, which extends, too, to those who have aborted their babies and lived through the pain of that decision.

Jesus loves you and, in our own little way, we do, too.

You are not likely to ever read this but I do hope Almighty God somehow touches your heart and lets you know you are loved and appreciated.

Lovingly,

I'll Always Remember the Very First Time I Saw You . . .

I once thought it took too many years to be able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mother.  For almost 15 years, I remained in my seat at church when the mothers stood to be recognized.  Year after year the pain in my heart increased, until I finally simply dreaded that moment at church on Mother's Day.  Oh, it wasn't at all that I wanted to stand up.  It actually makes me quite uncomfortable to have to stand up to be recognized for something.  Earthly applause is not what it's all about.

No, what I really wanted, from the depths of my being, was to have a reason to stand up!  I wanted to be a mom!  Where was my son or daughter?  Certainly this longing of my heart would someday be fulfilled!  Or, would it?

Now that my dream of motherhood has indeed been fulfilled, I'm fully convinced I didn't have to wait "too" long.  Was it a difficult wait?  Oh, yes!  But if my dream had come true any sooner, it would not have been my precious Little Mister helping his daddy serve me breakfast in bed this morning, or getting water everywhere as he did the dishes for me later.  And what would my life be without my Little Mister?

Whenever he asks me to tell him the story of his adoption, I'm more than happy to relive it with him.  And I always tell it the same way.  It goes something like this:

I'll always remember the very first time I saw you.  Daddy and I walked into  Mr. and Mrs. [Somebody's] house and I heard the sound of your little brown suede boots toddling toward us, before I could even see you.  I peeked around the corner, and you stopped to see who I was.  Before I knew what was happening to my heart, you gave me that mischievous sideways stare of yours, those big, brown eyes framed with the longest eyelashes I had ever seen!  Then you flashed that pearly white grin of yours before turning around and running away, just begging with your body language for me to chase you. :)  You still like to be chased, don't you?

When we finally rounded you up again, and you seemed to realize we weren't just there to visit, you had an awfully hard time at first.  You kicked and screamed (I remember Mrs. [Somebody] saying you were like a little wounded bird, because of the circumstances of your life up to that point) and I began to wonder if you would ever like us!  But your wise and strong Daddy took you in his arms, held you firmly, rocking you back and forth and whispering things like, "You can kick and scream all you want, but I'm your Daddy, and I'm never letting you go."  Daddy was speaking the words your heart needed to hear, just like our Heavenly Father does for us.  You responded well, and calmed down.

Even some wise daddies might need to learn how to use the car seat, right?  Daddy really had a difficult time getting you buckled into that car seat that first time! (snicker snicker)  You watched him with deep interest, and you haven't stopped watching him since.  We knew right away that you were interested in how things work or how they are put together.  You've proven us right time and time again since!

The remainder of the story is very long, with some unexpected drama that showed us once again the Lord's faithfulness.  Maybe I'll talk about that another time.  Right now I want to get back to enjoying Mother's Day with the precious GIFT I've been given! :)

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms, and special blessings on those who are still waiting.  I know.  I mean, I really know!  ♥