A WONDERFUL Parenting Tool!

Parents of toddlers on up to older children still at home:  Do you desire to share Bible verses with your children when they are struggling with sin, but sometimes feel flustered trying to remember which verses are where in the Bible? I simply MUST tell you of this treasure I discovered over the summer.  It is literally a God-send and makes biblical instruction during times of discipline so much easier and more organized.  Instead of trying to remember which Bible verses are applicable to which infractions (tattling, pride, selfishness, jealousy, disobedience, stealing, etc.), someone has organized these for you and has devised a way to help you find just what you need at the moment you need it. 

 It's called The Child Training Bible.  All you need is this kit, some highlighters (I actually used Twistables colored pencils--don't bleed through the page), certain colors of Post-it flags (I ended up using regular Post-it notes I already had, and cut them down to size), and a Bible.  From the outside, it ends up looking something like this:

So, you'll want a separate Bible just for this purpose (must be a certain size, too--9" X 6"), because I think it would be awkward trying to flip through this Bible at church, Bible study, or other places.  But for the purpose this serves, the tabs are wonderful!

Here is a video telling you the details, made by the couple who created the product.  It will explain things so much better than I could write it.

 Can't view the video?  Try clicking here.

We have been using this for several weeks now, and it is so wonderful to just sit calmly down with LM, read Bible verses that pertain to his problem at the moment (and sometimes mine, too!), discuss the suggested questions which are provided, and pray together.  My husband and I have always believed the Bible is the place to go for raising a child, but sometimes in the moment the appropriate verses can just escape me.  My frustration in those times doesn't usually help the situation.  Now I can calmly and confidently pick up this special Bible, silently pray as we head toward the couch, and begin a conversation.  It really diffuses most potentially explosive conflicts, and focuses on the heart of the matter.

The only negatives are that it can be pricey if you need to buy all the different materials and it takes several hours to set it up.  But you can improvise on some of the materials like I did, and the time is MORE than worth it!

BE SURE TO CHECK THE WEBSITE TO MAKE SURE THE BIBLE YOU INTEND TO USE IS THE CORRECT SIZE!  There is a template you can print off to see if it fits in your Bible. The Bible I used was a tiny bit small, but I was able to trim the edges of the cards to fit.  This is risky, but it worked for me.

I love that I can use this Bible I've set up with LM until he leaves home (sniff, sniff) and then pass it down to him and his future wife and children if they choose to use it.  Who knows how many generations will be influenced by this simple yet profound tool? :)

Right Now!

This is likely the most humiliating thing I've ever written or will ever write for public consumption, but what is a blog for if not to humiliate oneself from time to time in hopes of helping and encouraging others?

And that is what this is about.

God, please speak to each reader of this blog post, and open each heart to what You have for each to individually ponder.

So, it all started a couple weeks ago.  Well, kind of.  My sanity began a couple weeks ago as I experienced the most frightening medical "drama" of my life.  Let's just say, for the sake of propriety, that I had a very, very, very severe "female problem" to the max, and leave it at that.

It was a nightmare.  It was unbelievable.  I wondered if I would I die.  And I'm not exaggerating.

My first reaction was to panic and cry and plead with God.  And violently shiver in fear.

At last I was in a position to be able to tell my husband what was happening.  My dear, wonderful, sane, wise husband.  God has blessed him with a calmness in turmoil that amazes me every time.  He is Jesus to me (you know what I mean by that, right?) in so many ways.  He spoke truth into my life and helped clear my head to focus on that truth.  He comforted me.  Or shall I say, my loving Lord comforted me through him?

Through the Lord ministering to my terrified, seeking-Him heart, I realized something vital.  And I apologized to Him and to my husband profusely.  And I sought to cling to the forgiveness they both genuinely and freely offer me.  But it's still a struggle to accept that forgiveness.  I keep apologizing to them both, knowing I don't need to for their sakes, yet still needing to for the purging of my own heart.

What I realized is that I had been living in the bondage of fear.  Whatever turned out to be wrong with me, whatever was causing these horrible symptoms, was partly, if not totally, my own doing.

See, I've had this totally irrational fear of going to doctors.  Not the doctors themselves.  I've never had a doctor who was less than a wonderful person.  No, it was the idea of going to a doctor, of what they might say is wrong with me, of feeling judged, of not living up to the accountability they offered me.

So I didn't go.

This is SO humiliating.  Press on, Laur.

The last time I went was a few years ago, and my doctor wanted me to have some routine blood work done.  I never went back to have it done.

Is that ridiculous?  Yes!  But in my mind, in my state of denial, it made perfect sense.  And when it didn't make sense, I rearranged my thoughts in my mind until it did.

I most certainly didn't spend much time talking to the Lord about this.  Oh, yes, I know how He impresses things on my heart when He wants me to do them, and I did not want His impressions regarding this area of my life.

How arrogant!  How dreadful!  How I regret this attitude.

For, you see, now that I was forced to face my fear, bite the bullet, and seek medical help, I have been informed of extensive medical problems that I now have to deal with, at least one of them for the rest of my life.  With still more upcoming tests, I don't yet know the full extent of what my fear-induced neglect has done.

Let me just emphasize right now that I am not saying that everyone who suffers medical conditions has brought that on him/herself.  Nor am I saying that these things definitely wouldn't have happened to me had I kept up with regular doctor appointments.

But my denial was calculated and driven by hideous fear, and I can't help assuming things would not have gone as far as they did had I been accountable to a doctor.

If fear of going to doctors isn't an issue for you, I'm happy for you.  You probably have no idea what I'm talking about and can't imagine someone being that irrationally afraid.  But it's real.  In the recent past, I have willingly faced other fears of mine and conquered them.  I have a couple more to go.  And, let me tell you, I'm not waiting until I'm forced to face them after what I've learned in this situation.

So, let me get to the point of why I wanted to share this with you.  With all my heart I want to urge you to do what you need to do.  Even if you're afraid.  Do it!

I don't know what that might be for you.  But, if there is something, you know.  Surely if there is something God wants you to do, His Spirit moves you in some way even as you ignore the stirrings.  I encourage you to stop running, turn around, and act courageously!  God says in His Word that He wants us to do what we need to do even when we're scared to do it.  If He asks us to do something, He will equip us to do it!

I wasn't trusting Him.  I was doing things my own way because I didn't trust Him!  I have cried rivers of tears over that, not just because of the consequences I am experiencing but also out of the deep regret of realizing how I was not honoring Him, not loving Him fully.

Please! Please don't wait until you're "sick" (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) to take action.  Do not allow the bondage of fear, denial, or stubbornness to hold you back!  Don't do what I did!

Do what you need to do!

Is there a phone call you need to make?  A relationship you need to take steps to mend?  Something you need to give up?  A good habit you need to practice?  A Bible study you need to join?  An accountability partner you need to seek?  A confession you need to make?  A mistake (well-intentioned or not) you need to correct?
If there's something you've known you needed to do, please do it now!  Pray about it, ask for Him to be the courage you don't have on your own.  Then trust Him!  Do it!

If you are reading this, I care about you.  I may not know you, but I care!  If I do know you, this is extra humiliating!  I'm aware of what you could potentially think about me now that I've "come clean."  I know that I'm risking people talking about me and my "issues" behind my back (there are always those who seem to find their value/worth in that kind of thing--sad!).  These are things I could allow to terrify me into silence.

But, strangely, I don't feel terrified!  Concerned, maybe, but not terrified.  I feel FREE to obey the Lord in writing and posting this.  Yes, this freedom is so . . . freeing! :)  I mean, it really doesn't matter what the readers of this post think of me.  No offense meant at all, but I'm not living for you!  I'm living for Him!

And I care about you, whoever you are, more than I care to hang on to fear.  So that is why I'm putting aside my pride and hoping you will receive this message and do something about it if it pertains to you.

Right now.  It's all we have for sure.  Don't wait to obey His whisperings.  Talk to Him about anything you've been ignoring.  See how He helps you be brave!  Jump off what seems like a cliff and find yourself in His strong, capable arms!

I feel unworthy to be saying these things, as I did not live up to them myself in this situation.  But somehow I know God is asking me to say them anyway.  I have been so humbled through this ordeal.  Lord, please take my garbage and somehow transform it and use it to help someone, as only You can do!

Songs from the Heart

My 10-year-old son loves, loves, loves to write songs and sing them over and over.  He has a yellow legal pad where he scribbles down new lyrics.  As he doesn't know how to write music notes at this point, the melodies change over time.

But does that bother God?  I mean, He is the one almost all of these songs are written for--songs of worship, songs of surrender, songs of loyalty--all to his God.

Earlier this evening, Little Mister and I had an argument.  Well, to be more precise, he was arguing with me, and I, being overly exhausted from an extended period of insomniac nights, was having a hard time thinking of the wisest ways to handle it.  I remained fairly calm, but was probably adding more to the drama than I would typically prefer with my strong-willed guy!

In any case, he was sent to bed early after I told him how much I love him no matter what.  He went obligingly, but I could tell he was still upset at his consequence--thinking it undeserved and all of that.

A little while later, I heard a noise behind me and turned around in time to see his quick-as-a-flash figure disappear around the corner.  On the table was his hand-held tape recorder (an old one--yeah, like from the 1980s--that Kevin gave him to use).  I've come to recognize that tape recorder to be like the notes I used to write to my parents when I had a lot to say but wanted to make sure I said it the way I meant it.  Oh, yes, my parents found oodles of notes on their pillows over the years, from their five girls. :)

So, I picked up the tape player and pressed the "play" button.  What filled my ears (and my heart!) was a made-up-as-he-went-along song about how I am the best mom and how he loves me even when we don't agree and how much I do for him and how I saved his life (not sure what that's all about! lol).

It was the sweetest thing.

More than anything, it encouraged me.  And, oh, how I've needed encouragement like this lately!  It brightened my heart to know that, even with the everyday struggles we still endure (to the point where I worry he will never "get it!"), I have proof in my hands that he IS learning and he IS getting it!  He's getting the big picture, that people can love each other even when they don't agree.  He understands forgiveness and reaching out to someone even if they've made you mad by sending you to bed early or whatever! ;)

That's big!  He's absorbing the big ideas first, I guess, and the day-to-day, moment by moment living out of his beliefs is progressing with time, surely. I can insist that LM obeys me, but I can't change anything about his heart, his motivation for obeying--which is what God cares about!  Which is what only God can change.  Robotic obedience does not glorify the Lord.

Oh, how I needed that reassurance that God is working.

Oh, how I needed that song from the heart! :)

Desperate!!

Oh, my goodness, I sometimes have become SO very upset with my precious son over the years.  I mean, really, really upset!

Not that I haven't had reasons for concern, don't you know.  Certainly it is in my job description to help my charge learn to avoid the wayward ways and coach him along to the paths of righteousness.  Now, as I've shared before, I'm working on doing so in gentle ways.

But sometimes I haven't felt gentle.  I have felt frantic!  Desperate!

It finally hit me the other day what my problem is.  I'm trying to be the Holy Spirit to my child.  Time is flying by and I have felt like it's totally up to my husband and me to make sure Little Mister is the way he's supposed to be by the time he leaves our nest.  Not that I haven't given credit to the Lord for His work so far, but I have added a burden to myself that God never intended. 

It's not so much that my approach has been all wrong (though there's always room to learn and improve!), but the desperation I feel when Little Mister doesn't "get it" in my timing is not from God, and it often leads me to feel irritated or annoyed or some kind of upset which, though I try not to show it, I'm sure shows at times. 

The truth is that there is no need to feel desperation.  My job is to be faithful, to do the time-consuming, sometimes heart-wrenching stuff that God has asked me to do--supporting him in prayer constantly, teaching him to study God's Word, trying to be a good model for him, remaining consistent, remembering to praise the good, not making bad behavior worth it (allowing him to suffer consequences), balancing accountability and mercy (oooo, that's so hard to know how to do sometimes!) . . . the list of Mom's Jobs goes on of course . . .

But the results are out of my hands.  They are between LM and his God.  No room for desperation there.  I simply (?) need to let go of that and trust . . .

Gentle Mothering, Part 4

Three full weeks of intentionally practicing gentleness as a mother have taught me a great deal!  I've written about some of those things in my previous Gentle Mothering posts:  Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.

Let me tell you what I have observed, something that took awhile to "sink in" that it was happening.

When I am diligent to deal gently with my son, he will often go above and beyond my expectations in response!  Now, sometimes it takes everything in me to remain calm, and other times I still choose to go the wrong direction.  And sometimes when I'm doing everything "right," he still chooses to be difficult.  But there are times when he's being obstinate, but I consistently respond with gentleness, and he will suddenly and genuinely switch his attitude and do more than I asked him to or put more effort into something than I would have expected him to.  At times he'll be extra cheerful and extra compliant when I'm being extra gentle.  It's like he's going the extra mile just because he feels like it.

Can gentleness really inspire such motivation:?

Apparently so!  I've witnessed it!  It's not me, but God's Spirit working in me and in my Little Mister.  I'm so grateful! :)

We're both changing in ways that we need to, but it started with me, the adult (!!), recognizing my own shortcomings and dealing with those as much as (or more than) his. 

Click here if you'd like to read about and/or join the Gentleness Challenge!  I highly recommend it. :)

http://womenlivingwell.org/

Gentle Mothering, Part 2

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."  Proverbs 15:1

It's so true!  Those harsh words, whether they are directed from parent to child, spouse to spouse, friend to friend, etc., are counterproductive.  They only make a bad situation worse. 

Also, it's disrespectful and just plain wrong to speak that way.

I'm disrespectful and just plain wrong sometimes!

I'm not much of a yeller, but I'm an expert at making my exasperation known.  During this past week of the Gentleness Challenge, I've been even more acutely aware of how easy it is to slip into that zone!  The body language, tone of voice, choice of words . . . oh, yeah!  I've got it down pat.

It's a very selfish way of dealing with . . . . anyone!

And, anyway, how inspiring is it to be hollered at?  Yelling or speaking in an exasperated voice to a child will only succeed in causing a child to obey out of fear or annoyance, if he obeys at all.  Is this the result we are after?  We'd likely rather be helping our children want to be obedient because it's the right thing to do.  This is how they learn integrity.  If they're only trained to do the right thing because they don't want the negative consequences of disobedience, they only learn to "perform" when it suits them, rather than doing the right thing even when no one will know the difference--true integrity.

And if we yell or manipulate, they learn to yell and/or manipulate.  We are their models.  Is this a cycle we want to perpetuate?

I'm not implying that we should allow our children to get away with doing wrong.  But, just as God deals with us, there is a place for grace and mercy.

Gentle words.  Gentle gestures.  Gentle tone of voice.  Whispering when one feels like yelling (I read that here yesterday).  Yes, these will make more of a difference, I believe.  Lord, help me live like I believe!

http://womenlivingwell.org/2012/01/week-2-of-the-gentleness-challenge/

Gentle Mothering

Gentleness . . . it goes a long way in the role of "Mom."

But I feel like I too often lack it.

I'm not a particularly angry or hot-tempered person in general, but some days I feel like I'm living the dual life of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  The plain truth is that there are times I would be so embarrassed at what someone would find if they entered my home unexpectedly.  I've actually surprised myself at the volume my voice can achieve when left to its own devices!

It's not just volume, though.  I have said, in the calmest of voices, such poisonous things as, "Why don't you get it?  We've been over this a million times!" or "I give up!  I'm done!" (as she huffs out of the room like a three-year-old having a tantrum).

Now, the second it dawns on me what an idiot I'm being, I begin the humbling process of apologizing to my Lord for being such a poor example of one of His followers (ever grateful for the mercy and grace he daily, hourly, minute-ly extends to me) and making things right with my precious son.  My heart always feels so broken and bruised after an episode like that.  I can't imagine how his must feel, not having the maturity of adulthood to filter my careless words through. 

Yes, I'm glad I know enough to ask forgiveness and clear the air, but, oh, how much better things would be if I would just consistently practice gentleness and have no need for trying to make up for things later.  Yes, apologies mean a lot and can help heal broken hearts, but words uttered cannot be returned, cannot be taken back as though they had not done their marring job.  Their deed has been accomplished and cannot ever be completely undone.

That is my regret.

I can't expect my precious son to not close off a little more of his heart from me each time I speak harshly to him.  I can't expect him to not learn from my example and speak to others with such a lack of mercy and grace.  I can't expect him even to get my point (or want to) when I present it in such a way.

Our household is pretty peaceful.  Yelling really isn't what some would consider a problem around here.  But every time I succumb to this ineffective method of communication (or to sarcasm or other unsavory ways of making my point), I feel it strongly in my heart--this is NOT right!  Even a tone of voice that expresses my lack of patience is really not necessary or productive.

I'm not talking about letting Little Mister get away with doing wrong.  I'm talking about me being more intentional about holding him accountable with gentleness.  It's so important!

"Let your gentleness be evident to all . . . "  Philippians 4:5

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Colossians 3:12

That's why I was so pleased to see the "Gentleness Challenge" on Women Living Well's website.  It's for the month of January, and I definitely signed up.  It is encouraging, too, to see how many other moms have joined--it makes me feel less alone as I strive to be a more gentle mom.

http://womenlivingwell.org/2012/01/introducing-the-gentleness-challenge/#comment-24325

If this is something you would like to improve upon as a mom, or in any other roles in your life, check out Courtney's first blog of the month, including a video where she and a friend talk about the subject.  I found this post and video to be convicting and encouraging! :)

Let me know if you join the challenge, too!  When I say, "join," I just mean commit to doing it.  There are no forms to fill out or anything, though Courtney would appreciate a comment if you care to take on the challenge! :)

Of Rob Bell and Bridezillas

Yesterday, I discovered two weird creations.  One was a book and one was a TV show. 

Early in the day, I began reading Rob Bell's book, Love Wins, and late at night I watched my first-ever episode of Bridezillas on Netflix, both of which prove two things:  I'm desperately behind the times, and our world is not improving with the passage of time.

Let's start with Mr. Bell.  I had heard things about this book, but wanted to read it for myself and form my own opinions.  I've seen a lot of his DVDs and, though they weren't particularly deep, I thoroughly enjoyed his creativity and his thought-provoking messages.  Plus, on a more shallow note, he always wears cool glasses. :)

Now, I do need to finish the book in order to see where he ends up, but my impression from the preface and first two chapters is that he has apparently allowed his creativity to go to his head and is now creating his own theology.  Wow!  I wasn't prepared for this particular guy to be so brazen in his twisting of scripture and mocking it at times while he's at it! 

The most ironic part I've read so far is when he quotes the scripture from Matthew 18, where Jesus said that people who lead children astray should have a giant stone tied around their neck before being thrown into the sea.  This verse often comes to my mind when I'm conversing with people who twist scripture, or pick and choose their few favorites and ignore the rest, because they are playing a very dangerous game if they are trying to convince others to think the same way, and I feel so very sad for them.  Yet, Mr. Bell seems to be implying that those who read and apply the Bible as a whole, precept upon precept, and teach their children to do so as well, are the ones in the wrong.

As always, his creativity comes shining through.  He's a talented and entertaining writer.  It's disturbing to think, though, how many people could be swayed by his ingenuity and not stop to recognize he's making things up as he goes along! 

If my opinion changes by the time I finish the book, I'll be sure to let you know. ;)  So far I feel sorry for him and anyone else he has led astray.  I have little hope that the rest of the book will redeem the erroneous, illogical beginning, but the optimistic part of me can't help but hold my breath and hope for the best . . .

So, the rest of my day was pretty normal, until later in the evening when I finally sat down to chill a bit before bed.  It was Kevin's late night at work, so I decided to watch a show I had heard of, but never seen, called Bridezillas.  Once again, I realize I'm probably the only woman in America who hadn't seen it, but I've never been bothered by that. lol 

Anyway, you know how they show a little preview at the beginning of the show?  I was only half paying attention as I let the dog out and then sat down and started grading Little Mister's school work from the day.  Suddenly, shrill screaming caught my attention and I looked up to see a "lady" (I use that term rather loosely) in pretty wedding attire screaming, over and over, just sitting there screaming.  I wondered what horrible thing was happening.  As the actual show unfolded, this girl screamed at everything--and everyone!  She was out of control.  And the other featured bride didn't scream, but yelled.  She yelled and cursed at every turn.

Really?  I mean, do these people call up Bridezillas and say, "Yeah, I'm a big jerk to everyone and I happen to be getting married, too.  Can I be on your show?"  Or maybe more likely it's the friends and family of these gals, who have enabled their atrocious behavior for all these years and are too afraid to practice tough love, who passively-aggressively call the show and tip off the producers on where the "best" Bridezillas are to be found! ;)

It was sickening.  My poor, tender-hearted spirit was assaulted! lol  Now, don't get me wrong.  I can be mean sometimes.  Just ask my husband and son.  Everyone can be and is mean sometimes.  I'm constantly asking the Lord to help me control my mouth, because I know how awful I can be!  But to flaunt it like that on TV, to make it almost a source of pride.  Really?  This is what we call entertainment?  Why?

I'm not seeing myself as standing on a TV soapbox here.  In fact, part of me totally wants to watch the second episode because I know the screamer's mom bought a white dress to wear to the wedding and I'm dying to see what happens.  That makes me part of the problem, doesn't it?

At least as far as what's available to watch on TV.

But I guess I'll dare to say I'm not part of the problem when it comes to how accepting the world is of children being raised to be so disrespectful and audacious.  Not that I'm a perfect parent by any means, but I'm raising my son to be a gentleman.  He doesn't always choose that now.  Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't (but it's dealt with when he doesn't). And he may go off in his own direction someday, as God always allows us to choose between right and wrong (and the blessings/consequences thereof), but if that happens, it won't be because he doesn't know right from wrong.  It won't be because he was taught that he is the only one who matters.

These two weird things from yesterday reminded me how the time I spent with Little Mister in-between them was vitally important.  Did I redeem the time? 

We as parents need to be nothing less than vigilant in teaching our kids what is true and right so they can recognize lies and deception, even when it comes from the most unlikely sources, like Rob Bell was to me.  I loved it yesterday when Little Mister and I were watching part of a History Channel show on ancient Egypt (because we have been studying it), and the narrator driveled on at one point about how such-and-such had happened millions of years before man walked upright, I heard Little Mister say to the poor, misled man, "Man has stood upright since the beginning, which was not millions of years ago, but 6-7,000.  Get it right!"  I love that he has that much confidence, though, of course, he would only be allowed to talk to a TV with that "Get it right" comment at the end. ;)

Confidence in the right things and in the right ways is awesome.  But the other part of parenthood that was driven home again to me as I watched Bridezillas (totally aptly named) was the importance of teaching our kids respect and regard for others.  In general, kids aren't born with that skill or the natural inclination to care for others as much as, let alone more than, themselves.  People who have been raised to think they are the center of the universe don't end up happy or fulfilled, and they certainly don't bring happiness or fulfillment to those around them!  Kids need to be taught how to speak and behave appropriately.  They'll make plenty of mistakes along the way, as will we parents.

But the outcome of families who try have GOT to be better than Love Wins (great title applied to the wrong message) or Bridezillas!!

"Tell Me a Story!"

My imaginative son absolutely loves to have someone tell him a story, real or imagined.  He often requests things like, "Tell me about something bad you did when you were a kid," or "Tell me a story about a good thing you did."  He's not satisfied with knowing the actual deed, like, "I accidentally stole a piece of candy from the store once."  He wants it in story form, every detail, building up to the good or bad deed and the good or bad consequences that resulted.

This morning it was, "Tell me the story about something good you did, Mom."  Even though I wasn't a particularly "bad" kid, it seems like it's easier to comply with his request when he asks for a bad story.  When he wants to know the good, it takes me forever to think of something!

I found myself wondering about that this morning as I scrambled to come up with an interesting story.  For some reason, those thoughts led me to think about my motives for being good when I was a kid.  I realized that I chose to "be good" most of the time solely to avoid getting in trouble, so people would think well of me and to stay in the good graces of all the authority figures in my life.

Now, there's nothing wrong with staying out of trouble or with being thought of well by people.  Those are good things overall.  But they shouldn't be the ultimate goal.  I see now that my thinking was very self-centered and my focus was all off.  I should have been doing the right things out of love for God--not to earn my eternal salvation, because that isn't a possibility.  But, because my salvation had already been paid for, I should have acted out of love, gratitude and obedience.  The Bible makes it clear that God is concerned with our hearts/attitudes more than empty "good deeds."

That concept didn't sink into my head until well into adulthood.  Now that I understand it, when I look back on my basically well-behaved childhood, my good deeds don't shine like I thought they did before.  Instead, my motives glare back at me.  Oh, they don't have to.  They, too, are covered by grace.  But I allow myself to go back and examine them from time to time.  They remind me of something very important:

Children often don't just naturally think with right motives.  Their sin nature is a part of them even in the first few seconds we hold those sweet, tiny bundles (it doesn't start during the Terrible Twos--ha ha).  If we care about our children acting out of pure motives, we have to teach them that!  They won't just know.  And the earlier we train them in this, hopefully the easier it is on them later--to do what is right because it is right, not just to avoid unpleasant consequences.  There's no integrity in doing well only when someone's looking.  We need more integrity in the world!

Thus, I try to always remember to tell Little Mister the whys of right and wrong.  If he does something wrong, he has a consequence.  But before and after that consequence, I explain that his action hurt God's heart and maybe others' hearts, too.  I'm convinced this must be done in a gentle tone of voice, not in a moment of heated anger!  If I'm trying to get through to his heart, he's not likely to respond to careless words/tones of voices.  After his consequence, I have him tell me what was wrong with what he did, to make sure he understands.  Then there are lots of hugs and affirmations of love.  Discipline without love comes through as nothing but worthless harshness.  Discipline with love, not berating the child, is much more likely to find and help change his heart.

I don't want my son to be one of the many adults I see around me, searching for approval from others and basing their actions on that.  But just because I don't want him to be doesn't mean he won't be.  His daddy and I are doing our best to raise him well, but he still has his own choices to make along the way.  I always cringe when people cling to, as though it's a promise, that Proverb about raising your child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it.  The problem with that is that Proverbs aren't promises!  When you take a look at the background of the book, it's actually a collection of observations about how things normally work out.  Wise, yes.  Promises--I hesitate to humanly label them that!  Often, a child who is raised to love the Lord will continue to do so throughout adulthood.  But it's not always that way. We can't force them to think or believe anything!

So, parents of grown children, I would encourage you to not blame yourself if you have wayward children.  Take responsibility for your mistakes, yes.  Make things right with them if necessary.  But your adult children are responsible for their own choices now.  Maybe they have certain strongholds or tendencies because of their upbringing, but they also have the choice to turn to the God who can free them from those things.  If their choice is not to, then they are responsible for that!

Those of us who still have children at home, let's make the most of the time we have them!  Time is passing so quickly.

Tell your child a story.  A true story.  About you.  Tell them what you learned! :)