A WONDERFUL Parenting Tool!

Parents of toddlers on up to older children still at home:  Do you desire to share Bible verses with your children when they are struggling with sin, but sometimes feel flustered trying to remember which verses are where in the Bible? I simply MUST tell you of this treasure I discovered over the summer.  It is literally a God-send and makes biblical instruction during times of discipline so much easier and more organized.  Instead of trying to remember which Bible verses are applicable to which infractions (tattling, pride, selfishness, jealousy, disobedience, stealing, etc.), someone has organized these for you and has devised a way to help you find just what you need at the moment you need it. 

 It's called The Child Training Bible.  All you need is this kit, some highlighters (I actually used Twistables colored pencils--don't bleed through the page), certain colors of Post-it flags (I ended up using regular Post-it notes I already had, and cut them down to size), and a Bible.  From the outside, it ends up looking something like this:

So, you'll want a separate Bible just for this purpose (must be a certain size, too--9" X 6"), because I think it would be awkward trying to flip through this Bible at church, Bible study, or other places.  But for the purpose this serves, the tabs are wonderful!

Here is a video telling you the details, made by the couple who created the product.  It will explain things so much better than I could write it.

 Can't view the video?  Try clicking here.

We have been using this for several weeks now, and it is so wonderful to just sit calmly down with LM, read Bible verses that pertain to his problem at the moment (and sometimes mine, too!), discuss the suggested questions which are provided, and pray together.  My husband and I have always believed the Bible is the place to go for raising a child, but sometimes in the moment the appropriate verses can just escape me.  My frustration in those times doesn't usually help the situation.  Now I can calmly and confidently pick up this special Bible, silently pray as we head toward the couch, and begin a conversation.  It really diffuses most potentially explosive conflicts, and focuses on the heart of the matter.

The only negatives are that it can be pricey if you need to buy all the different materials and it takes several hours to set it up.  But you can improvise on some of the materials like I did, and the time is MORE than worth it!

BE SURE TO CHECK THE WEBSITE TO MAKE SURE THE BIBLE YOU INTEND TO USE IS THE CORRECT SIZE!  There is a template you can print off to see if it fits in your Bible. The Bible I used was a tiny bit small, but I was able to trim the edges of the cards to fit.  This is risky, but it worked for me.

I love that I can use this Bible I've set up with LM until he leaves home (sniff, sniff) and then pass it down to him and his future wife and children if they choose to use it.  Who knows how many generations will be influenced by this simple yet profound tool? :)

Of Hysterectomies and Un-Spring Cleaning

So, I have a hysterectomy scheduled for the near future. The reasons are various and serious. That's all the detail I will be going into here on this public blog, but if you know me and have questions, you're welcome to ask . . . and I will probably answer. ;)

I have had a rough time of it since the beginning of this year, but God has proven Himself faithful again and again, constantly.  He is leading me, teaching me, comforting me, lovingly disciplining me, providing for me, and forever showing me His perfect love.

Few people ask to go through trials in life.  I definitely don't.  But we all must walk through them anyway at times during our earthly journey.  Oh, how I haven't wanted to endure these last few months and the next couple of months, yet how else could I possibly see God's hand at work as clearly as I can now?  It is unmistakably evident that He has had and continues to have a plan in all of this.  He has at least one new daughter that I'm aware of who came to know Him because of circumstances surrounding my surgery last month.  My silly little surgery (my first ever!) that I was so worried about and was discouraged that it had not been as successful as hoped . . . until I heard about my new sister in Christ, whom I've never met, yet have this freaky-in-a-good-way connection with.  My pity party was over instantly and was replaced with excitement and re-focus on the fact that none of this is random, I'm not being picked on, and God is working mightily!

Now, I am not looking forward to this upcoming surgery anymore than anyone else would be.  And I'm probably even less enthusiastic about the long recovery afterward.  It drives me CRAZY to sit around and do nothing.  Did you hear me?  CRAZY!!!!  (See?  I'm already showing signs . . .)  I panic sometimes just thinking about it all.  But, you know the conclusion I come to every time when I reign in my thoughts?  There's a reason!  It's good.  Not easy, but good.  And then I almost look forward to seeing what God has in mind.  What will He teach me?  How will He work?  Something's up, and I'm beginning to anticipate finding out what it is!

So, this whole recovery time thing brings me to the subject of "Un-Spring Cleaning."  What IS un-spring cleaning, you might ask.  Well, it's my abridged version of spring cleaning this year.  It's kinda like spring cleaning, but not really.  For instance, today I "worked" on the bookshelves.  I had intended to take all the books down as usual and give the shelves a good cleaning.  Then I got real.  I simply don't have time for that this time!  And it's going to be okay!  Yes, I just took down the other things on the shelves (you know, candles and other decorative things), cleaned the shelves on any surface that books don't cover, and called it "fine."  Really--how much dust gets under those books anyway, right?  My theory right now (and this is with a lot of coaching from loving friends and family who I've had to admit are right!) is that anything I don't get done before surgery and recovery will still be there after.  I have ample offers of help for things that need to continue to be done during my convalescence, but my blinds will still do their job whether or not I clean them now or in the summer.  Know what I'm saying?  I actually almost believe this!  I'm learning well! ;)

Speaking of ample offers of help, people are so kind.  I've been showered with kindness all throughout the past months and have been so blessed.  The care of my son during my upcoming surgery, meals provided, so many encouraging words and cards and helpful advice, and, most importantly, the support of so very many faithful prayer warriors.  Whenever Kevin and I have gone through a dark or troubled time in our lives, the kindness of God's people is so extra-evident, shining through like the brightest of lights.  We are so grateful to everyone who is touching our lives in these different ways.  If you are one of them--thank you from the bottom of my heart!

If you are going through a hard time, hang on!  God has not dropped you from His hand, and He definitely has a good reason for allowing difficult circumstances in your life.  Don't be afraid!  One of my favorite verses lately, one that I've heard a million times but has once again taken on new meaning for me is:

"Do not fear for I am with you;  Do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

                                                                          AND

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, because the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave nor forsake you."  Deut. 31:6

Right Now!

This is likely the most humiliating thing I've ever written or will ever write for public consumption, but what is a blog for if not to humiliate oneself from time to time in hopes of helping and encouraging others?

And that is what this is about.

God, please speak to each reader of this blog post, and open each heart to what You have for each to individually ponder.

So, it all started a couple weeks ago.  Well, kind of.  My sanity began a couple weeks ago as I experienced the most frightening medical "drama" of my life.  Let's just say, for the sake of propriety, that I had a very, very, very severe "female problem" to the max, and leave it at that.

It was a nightmare.  It was unbelievable.  I wondered if I would I die.  And I'm not exaggerating.

My first reaction was to panic and cry and plead with God.  And violently shiver in fear.

At last I was in a position to be able to tell my husband what was happening.  My dear, wonderful, sane, wise husband.  God has blessed him with a calmness in turmoil that amazes me every time.  He is Jesus to me (you know what I mean by that, right?) in so many ways.  He spoke truth into my life and helped clear my head to focus on that truth.  He comforted me.  Or shall I say, my loving Lord comforted me through him?

Through the Lord ministering to my terrified, seeking-Him heart, I realized something vital.  And I apologized to Him and to my husband profusely.  And I sought to cling to the forgiveness they both genuinely and freely offer me.  But it's still a struggle to accept that forgiveness.  I keep apologizing to them both, knowing I don't need to for their sakes, yet still needing to for the purging of my own heart.

What I realized is that I had been living in the bondage of fear.  Whatever turned out to be wrong with me, whatever was causing these horrible symptoms, was partly, if not totally, my own doing.

See, I've had this totally irrational fear of going to doctors.  Not the doctors themselves.  I've never had a doctor who was less than a wonderful person.  No, it was the idea of going to a doctor, of what they might say is wrong with me, of feeling judged, of not living up to the accountability they offered me.

So I didn't go.

This is SO humiliating.  Press on, Laur.

The last time I went was a few years ago, and my doctor wanted me to have some routine blood work done.  I never went back to have it done.

Is that ridiculous?  Yes!  But in my mind, in my state of denial, it made perfect sense.  And when it didn't make sense, I rearranged my thoughts in my mind until it did.

I most certainly didn't spend much time talking to the Lord about this.  Oh, yes, I know how He impresses things on my heart when He wants me to do them, and I did not want His impressions regarding this area of my life.

How arrogant!  How dreadful!  How I regret this attitude.

For, you see, now that I was forced to face my fear, bite the bullet, and seek medical help, I have been informed of extensive medical problems that I now have to deal with, at least one of them for the rest of my life.  With still more upcoming tests, I don't yet know the full extent of what my fear-induced neglect has done.

Let me just emphasize right now that I am not saying that everyone who suffers medical conditions has brought that on him/herself.  Nor am I saying that these things definitely wouldn't have happened to me had I kept up with regular doctor appointments.

But my denial was calculated and driven by hideous fear, and I can't help assuming things would not have gone as far as they did had I been accountable to a doctor.

If fear of going to doctors isn't an issue for you, I'm happy for you.  You probably have no idea what I'm talking about and can't imagine someone being that irrationally afraid.  But it's real.  In the recent past, I have willingly faced other fears of mine and conquered them.  I have a couple more to go.  And, let me tell you, I'm not waiting until I'm forced to face them after what I've learned in this situation.

So, let me get to the point of why I wanted to share this with you.  With all my heart I want to urge you to do what you need to do.  Even if you're afraid.  Do it!

I don't know what that might be for you.  But, if there is something, you know.  Surely if there is something God wants you to do, His Spirit moves you in some way even as you ignore the stirrings.  I encourage you to stop running, turn around, and act courageously!  God says in His Word that He wants us to do what we need to do even when we're scared to do it.  If He asks us to do something, He will equip us to do it!

I wasn't trusting Him.  I was doing things my own way because I didn't trust Him!  I have cried rivers of tears over that, not just because of the consequences I am experiencing but also out of the deep regret of realizing how I was not honoring Him, not loving Him fully.

Please! Please don't wait until you're "sick" (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) to take action.  Do not allow the bondage of fear, denial, or stubbornness to hold you back!  Don't do what I did!

Do what you need to do!

Is there a phone call you need to make?  A relationship you need to take steps to mend?  Something you need to give up?  A good habit you need to practice?  A Bible study you need to join?  An accountability partner you need to seek?  A confession you need to make?  A mistake (well-intentioned or not) you need to correct?
If there's something you've known you needed to do, please do it now!  Pray about it, ask for Him to be the courage you don't have on your own.  Then trust Him!  Do it!

If you are reading this, I care about you.  I may not know you, but I care!  If I do know you, this is extra humiliating!  I'm aware of what you could potentially think about me now that I've "come clean."  I know that I'm risking people talking about me and my "issues" behind my back (there are always those who seem to find their value/worth in that kind of thing--sad!).  These are things I could allow to terrify me into silence.

But, strangely, I don't feel terrified!  Concerned, maybe, but not terrified.  I feel FREE to obey the Lord in writing and posting this.  Yes, this freedom is so . . . freeing! :)  I mean, it really doesn't matter what the readers of this post think of me.  No offense meant at all, but I'm not living for you!  I'm living for Him!

And I care about you, whoever you are, more than I care to hang on to fear.  So that is why I'm putting aside my pride and hoping you will receive this message and do something about it if it pertains to you.

Right now.  It's all we have for sure.  Don't wait to obey His whisperings.  Talk to Him about anything you've been ignoring.  See how He helps you be brave!  Jump off what seems like a cliff and find yourself in His strong, capable arms!

I feel unworthy to be saying these things, as I did not live up to them myself in this situation.  But somehow I know God is asking me to say them anyway.  I have been so humbled through this ordeal.  Lord, please take my garbage and somehow transform it and use it to help someone, as only You can do!

Did Jesus Live in the Basement?

I'm typically a pretty agreeable person.  I don't like to argue.  Nope, I don't like it one bit.  I don't even like silently disagreeing, though there are plenty of times I do.  Over the past few years, God has been teaching me that it's not always good to remain silent, and I've been learning to "listen" for His guidance on when it's okay and good to stay quiet and when it's best to step outside my comfort zone and say something.

I've been feeling for a few days now, since I read and had time to digest the popular blog post by Jen Hatmaker called In The Basement, that I need to say something in response to it.  My little blog here is really not very significant in the scheme of things, so my words aren't likely to make much of an impact, but I still need to be obedient to what I feel the Lord is impressing upon me to write.  Please read that blog post if you haven't, so you know exactly what it is I'm talking about here.

It was a delight to read the heart, the writing style, and the obvious love behind the post.  I sincerely enjoyed reading it and looking at things from a unique perspective.  I was drawn in from the beginning, being a sufferer of tornado-phobia myself.

I agreed with much of what was written--the examining of our own hearts instead of others' and the hatred of "abuse and violence and crowded orphanages and trafficked sixth-graders," for example-- there was so much good stuff there, I can't possibly list it all here.  Yet something was nagging at my spirit.  I feel like . . . well, like, there's more to the story!

I don't agree that we would be right to just park ourselves in the basement for keeps.

Yeah, many people generally flee to the basement to escape the literal storm.  But, first of all, not everyone has that privilege.  Some people don't have basements.  Others have occupations that keep them above ground even during the worst of a storm.  They aren't wrong or bad because of it.

Secondly, we don't remain in the basement.  We have to come up and face the aftermath of the storm.  For many who survive the storm, the aftermath is much worse than the storm itself.  Yet those details must be attended to!

I completely "get" the fatigue and disgust at the cultural wars waging in our country.  It is so very tiring and becomes hateful on both "sides" sometimes.  Beyond hateful, really.  I don't disagree with that.

But that doesn't mean we are to totally disengage from the war.  It doesn't mean that everyone who is fighting is using nasty methods.  It doesn't mean there's nothing worth fighting for.

Jesus argued with people all the time.  He knew how and chose to do so lovingly.  He made many people uncomfortable with his accountability.

He didn't have his own agenda, though.  He was all about His FATHER's business!

Yes, there are devout, well-meaning Christians who think they are "fighting for the Lord," but who somewhere down the line go off on their own tangents, forgetting that they ought not to be name-calling or blowing up buildings (abortion clinics) or withholding respect from certain groups of people.  It seems to become more about them personally being "heard" at all costs.  These haters are LOUD, just like many liberally-minded people can be very LOUD.  Scary even.  It isn't right to behave that way.

Just because those people stoop to those tactics, does not mean there aren't also many who fight fair!  The Bible makes it clear that this life is a war, that we are to stand on the side of righteousness and fight the good fight!  God is using many strong, steady, courageous, persevering men, women, teenagers and children who are willing to keep their eyes on Him and His agenda.  They love people with the best kind of accountability--loving, biblical, Christ-like--naming sin sin without stooping to the hateful tactics of LOUD foolishness.

Somebody NEEDS to be vigilantly aware of what's going on and willing to stand up for truth!  If God isn't calling you, dear reader, to be that one right now, then you need to be obedient to that.  But we need to support those whom God places in the heat of the battle, not accuse them of just being LOUD and hateful like those who actually are LOUD and hateful.  The ones God has called and who are responding rightly to that call are NOT like all the rest!

Of course it's okay to rest sometimes.  Jesus did that!  But He always got back to work.  He loved people, and part of the way He showed His love was by telling them He knew of their sin, and, more importantly, what could be done about it!  He did not run away from conflict!

If we all stay in the basement, the world has no chance of getting any better.  I personally am so thankful for those who stay above and fight in ways I don't yet know how to.  I'm grateful that they make the most of opportunities that I'll likely never have.  If those people had not been fighting for many years now, before most of us even took the time to realize there was a war, we would not even have the dwindling freedoms as Christians that we're clinging desperately to today.

I believe it is disrespectful and incorrect to lump all the warriors in one lot and say or imply they are all hateful, obnoxious, and using the Gospel as a "bludgeoning tool."  This is false.

It is not automatically hateful to call homosexuality (as one of many examples) wrong.  It IS wrong!  To name-call and degrade people who have chosen that lifestyle is hateful and wrong as well.  It's just as unloving, though, to pretend what they are doing is okay, that there aren't often horrible consequences tied to that choice, both for the homosexual person himself or herself and to the society that lies about it in the name of "tolerance."  There's no love there!

Correctly-handled accountability is not hateful!

And there is no love in just allowing people to die in their delusions, not even trying to help them see the truth.

There is ministry happening in that basement, but there are other things going on in other places.  And that's a good thing.

Now, as a blogger (on a smaller scale) myself, I'm aware that people can misunderstand the points of our blog posts from time to time.  I'm really open to the possibility that I missed something (though I've read it several times) or just didn't understand the central message of that post.  And even if the message was that she thinks we should stay in the basement and not try to fight for what's right, it is absolutely her right to think and say so.

Just as it is mine to say I disagree with that part of it.

This post is not directed at the writer of that post.  It's just the response of my heart to what I read, and maybe an opportunity for a few readers to consider what the Lord impresses upon them to think and do about these cultural battles . . . which are not likely to end anytime soon.

In the end, it's really not about Chick-fil-A or Obamacare.  It's about the lies and deceit and injustice that have been allowed to run rampant through our country, and what God is asking us individually and collectively to do about it.  It starts with the individual.  God doesn't want us to be disheartened and afraid!  He doesn't want us to wallow in our fatigue over the state of our nation.

What does He want you to do?  What does He want you to say?  Will you do it?  Will you say it?  (I'm absolutely asking myself these questions!)

May HIS agenda be foremost on our minds, and may we glorify HIM in all we think and do and say!

Songs from the Heart

My 10-year-old son loves, loves, loves to write songs and sing them over and over.  He has a yellow legal pad where he scribbles down new lyrics.  As he doesn't know how to write music notes at this point, the melodies change over time.

But does that bother God?  I mean, He is the one almost all of these songs are written for--songs of worship, songs of surrender, songs of loyalty--all to his God.

Earlier this evening, Little Mister and I had an argument.  Well, to be more precise, he was arguing with me, and I, being overly exhausted from an extended period of insomniac nights, was having a hard time thinking of the wisest ways to handle it.  I remained fairly calm, but was probably adding more to the drama than I would typically prefer with my strong-willed guy!

In any case, he was sent to bed early after I told him how much I love him no matter what.  He went obligingly, but I could tell he was still upset at his consequence--thinking it undeserved and all of that.

A little while later, I heard a noise behind me and turned around in time to see his quick-as-a-flash figure disappear around the corner.  On the table was his hand-held tape recorder (an old one--yeah, like from the 1980s--that Kevin gave him to use).  I've come to recognize that tape recorder to be like the notes I used to write to my parents when I had a lot to say but wanted to make sure I said it the way I meant it.  Oh, yes, my parents found oodles of notes on their pillows over the years, from their five girls. :)

So, I picked up the tape player and pressed the "play" button.  What filled my ears (and my heart!) was a made-up-as-he-went-along song about how I am the best mom and how he loves me even when we don't agree and how much I do for him and how I saved his life (not sure what that's all about! lol).

It was the sweetest thing.

More than anything, it encouraged me.  And, oh, how I've needed encouragement like this lately!  It brightened my heart to know that, even with the everyday struggles we still endure (to the point where I worry he will never "get it!"), I have proof in my hands that he IS learning and he IS getting it!  He's getting the big picture, that people can love each other even when they don't agree.  He understands forgiveness and reaching out to someone even if they've made you mad by sending you to bed early or whatever! ;)

That's big!  He's absorbing the big ideas first, I guess, and the day-to-day, moment by moment living out of his beliefs is progressing with time, surely. I can insist that LM obeys me, but I can't change anything about his heart, his motivation for obeying--which is what God cares about!  Which is what only God can change.  Robotic obedience does not glorify the Lord.

Oh, how I needed that reassurance that God is working.

Oh, how I needed that song from the heart! :)

The Kindness of a Child--It's a big Deal!

My nine-year-old son has gotten in the habit of saying, "Hi, how are you?" to the cashiers in the stores we shop in.  You wouldn't think that would be too big of a deal, right?

Actually, as it turns out, it IS a big deal!  For some, anyway.

It started out as a simple act of obedience.  When he was younger, Little Mister might mumble a hi in answer to an adult's hello, if he could be bothered to do even that in all his busyness.

We told him, though, that he needed to show respect to adults or anyone else who took the time to greet him.  We instructed him to make eye contact and acknowledge the greeting.  No amount of shyness (which is not him, usually) or busyness (which is totally him) is an excuse for rudeness or lack of respect, especially toward one's elders!

It took him awhile to make this a habit, and I think he still forgets once in awhile, but overall he has done a great job showing respect in this way.

Then, several months ago, he took it to the next level on his own.  Now he often initiates greeting store personnel and fellow customers enthusiastically and genuinely.  I don't know what it is about stores, except that maybe he now feels too old to straighten the cold cuts and cheeses in the refrigerated sections and the jars of pasta sauces on the shelves, so he has more time to look around him and notice people.

It's funny how people often do a double-take when they hear his greetings.  Ah, wouldn't it be sweet if our society still took the time to greet each other, strangers included?  Wouldn't we be a bit happier as a people if it wasn't a surprise when a child noticed and acknowledged us?

Sometimes the cashiers just gush over Little Mister when he asks them how they are.  Last night at Martin's, the beaming woman who rang up our groceries said to him something like, "It made me feel so special that you would speak to me like that!"

Wow.  If it is sooo special that a boy said, "Hi, how are you," how must she often be treated as she goes about serving people throughout her work day?  Oh, yes, it's her job and she gets paid to do it and all of that, but is that really any reason to ignore her or treat her badly?

I remember a particular lady in Walmart at Christmas time, who was so very touched by Little Mister's simple kindness, I thought she was going to start crying or something!  If a hello and a how are you? meant that much to her . . . that poor, poor woman!  Yet she was so blessed in that moment!

With everything my Little Mister is "working on" in his young life, I'm inspired by his desire to start reaching out and his tenacity to make it a habit overall.  I've always tried to be friendly with the employees of places I frequent, but the sound of my son's simple kindness sometimes reminds me to lift my eyes from my Dave Ramsey wallet and focus on this one whom God has allowed me to cross paths with, even for just the short time it takes to ring up and bag groceries.  That person matters greatly to God, right then and there, as he/she quietly does his/her job.

Thanks for the reminder, Little Mister. :)

A Dust Bunny and a Star

God said to Abraham, "I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted." Genesis 13:16

God also said to Abraham, at a later time, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars--if indeed you can count them. . .So shall your offspring be." Genesis 15:5

So, Abraham couldn't even see every speck of dust or star in the sky that represented all his offspring, or descendants. Galatians 3 tells us that we as believers are sons of Abraham because of our faith. That means that perhaps his feet once trod on the speck of dust that represented ME! Or YOU! Better-sounding than a dust bunny, maybe on a long-ago evening, as Abraham gazed into a sky filled with shiny lights, he saw the very star representing ME! Or YOU!

Give yourself a minute to think about that! It's amazing, really.

We also learn in the New Testament, that Abraham's faith was credited to his "account" as righteousness. Though he did unrighteous things, his FAITH made him righteous in God's eyes. And, as believers and sons of Abraham, the same thing happens to us when we believe. We are so imperfect and do so many wrong things, but our FAITH is credited to us as righteousness just like Father Abraham! What a splendid work of Jesus! What He did was so complicated and has so many layers to it. But our part is simple. Just faith. We have nothing of our own to offer Him, but He gives us everything. WOW!

Of course, once we have that faith, we are responsible to live it out, amen? That's where it can become complicated for us. Our selfish nature wants to take over and puts up a good fight! But we are told that faith without works is dead. The works don't save us, but they are to be an evidence of our faith.

Is there something you have been feeling you should change? Do you feel a nudging from the Lord to do something you don't feel like doing or that you think is too hard? Is there a person who is difficult to love that you need to contact and encourage? Let's remember that our lives are really not about us. We were made to glorify the Lord! Let's be willing to be a Dust Bunny if necessary, even if we'd rather be a Star!

Less of me; more of You, Lord.

Just Let it Go . . .

Sometimes the Lord leads us to let go of something/someone because it/he/she is not His best for us. We might come to regret this relinquishment somewhere down the road because doubts plague us or we are longing for that thing/person in moments of weakness, when our enemy whispers lies and enticements in our ears.

Jesus would have us urgently jerk back our hands from it/him/her and throw them around His neck instead. Let's wait patiently for what He has for us, that which we can embrace without manipulations or guilt. That which He will joyfully give us when the time is right. We will enjoy His gifts so much more when they are indeed His gifts, and not something we've tried to orchestrate in our own power.

Just let it go. Wait for Him.

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. for the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! Isaiah 30:18

Desperate!!

Oh, my goodness, I sometimes have become SO very upset with my precious son over the years.  I mean, really, really upset!

Not that I haven't had reasons for concern, don't you know.  Certainly it is in my job description to help my charge learn to avoid the wayward ways and coach him along to the paths of righteousness.  Now, as I've shared before, I'm working on doing so in gentle ways.

But sometimes I haven't felt gentle.  I have felt frantic!  Desperate!

It finally hit me the other day what my problem is.  I'm trying to be the Holy Spirit to my child.  Time is flying by and I have felt like it's totally up to my husband and me to make sure Little Mister is the way he's supposed to be by the time he leaves our nest.  Not that I haven't given credit to the Lord for His work so far, but I have added a burden to myself that God never intended. 

It's not so much that my approach has been all wrong (though there's always room to learn and improve!), but the desperation I feel when Little Mister doesn't "get it" in my timing is not from God, and it often leads me to feel irritated or annoyed or some kind of upset which, though I try not to show it, I'm sure shows at times. 

The truth is that there is no need to feel desperation.  My job is to be faithful, to do the time-consuming, sometimes heart-wrenching stuff that God has asked me to do--supporting him in prayer constantly, teaching him to study God's Word, trying to be a good model for him, remaining consistent, remembering to praise the good, not making bad behavior worth it (allowing him to suffer consequences), balancing accountability and mercy (oooo, that's so hard to know how to do sometimes!) . . . the list of Mom's Jobs goes on of course . . .

But the results are out of my hands.  They are between LM and his God.  No room for desperation there.  I simply (?) need to let go of that and trust . . .

Nightmare

 Last night I had a dream.  A nightmare, actually, that caused me to wake up screaming.  I dreamed I had fallen asleep, sitting up, on a couch.  When I opened my eyes in my dream, there was a man standing outside the window directly in front of me, and he looked in.  He squinted a bit and then walked closer to the window, shielding his eyes with his hands resting against the glass so he could see better.  It was as he walked toward the window that I began to whimper, feeling helpless and at a loss as to what to do to keep him from invading the privacy of my home.  All rational thoughts escaped me and I began to scream.  In real life, I woke up screaming and looking around me for that strange man.  It took an eternity of seconds to understand where I was and that the strange man was trapped in my world of dreams, not able to see or get to me.

Remembering and describing the dream now makes it seem harmless enough that the screaming seems a bit of an overreaction.  I mean, the man didn't appear to be armed or trying to get into the house.  He had no particularly menacing expression on his face.  He was creepy, yes, but in real life, I don't think I would have sat there and screamed in helplessness.  I would probably have yelled at him to get lost, hurried to another part of the house and called the police.  In my dream, I was absolutely paralyzed in fear.

I felt so incredibly vulnerable, with no way of defending myself.

The dream has haunted me throughout the day because, at some point, it hit me like a ton of bricks:  I have made myself vulnerable lately.

In a spiritual way, I mean.  Spiritual vulnerability can sneak up ever so gradually.  An attitude here.  An action there.  A word spoken unkindly. These don't cause us to lose the precious gift of eternal salvation that can't be bought.  But they give our enemy a foothold.  We then leave ourselves vulnerable to all kinds of unsavory things.

Consequences.

It seems it all boils down to what we choose to worship, much like my sweet son wrote the other day.  We show what is important to us by what we choose.  Or by what we leave in the shadows.  Idolatry (anything we make more important than God and His ways) is slavery, though it doesn't always appear so sinister to us at its beginning.  Appealing in some way at first, it sinks its claws into us and won't let go until we make some very difficult decisions and act on them.

It's always hard when we recognize idolatry in our lives and decide to change.  It's difficult to practice self-control even as the idol is pulling at us.  It *seems* like slavery to follow guidelines that oppose our idols, but it's actually very freeing.

See, as Christ-followers, we already are free.

"Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.  Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever.  So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:34-36)

Sometimes we choose not to walk in freedom, though.  We don't like how it feels at first to give up our idols of slavery.  It takes awhile for freedom to *feel* right.  But living by how we feel is what got us in trouble in the first place.  By our feelings is a dangerous way to live.


God sometimes uses my dreams to speak to me.  I'm not talking about telling the future or anything like that.  Many times it's a matter of my having a very vivid dream about a specific person.  I've learned to pray for that person as soon as I wake up, and continue to do so, because very often I find out later that the person was experiencing something and was in need of prayer.  Other times, it's a general impression that I need to pay heed to something in my life.  God has all kinds of ways to get our attention, doesn't He?


I got the message loud and clear this time! :)  Time to rid my "house" of some idols!
 
PS.  I'm not saying I think God *gave* me this creepy dream.  I know, though, that He allowed it, and used it.